I always seem to form my opinions about a day late. But you know what bothered me about Obama giving his latest address in front of a bunch of servicemen and women at West Point? Here we have the finest fighting machine the word has ever known. The all volunteer military is filled with brave men and women that we should be proud of every singe day we breathe. But here, this man, who has essentially been running on a platform of “cut and run as soon as possible” is standing in front of people who are willing to lay their lives on the line for our freedom, and he has the audacity to basically say “we’re fighting a war we can’t even win and should never have been in.” That would be like Coach Sark standing in front of his players and saying “well, get out there and play hard. I mean, I don’t think you’ll win and we probably shouldn’t even be playing in this game, but hey, I’m proud of you…” Come on Obama…. Grow a pair.
Oh, and his stupid speech bumped the Charlie Brown Christmas Special. Obama, you blockhead!
A Palm Beach County, Florida, teacher is in trouble for sending emails at work criticizing Barack Obama during the 2008 campaign. Paula Prudente faces a 10-day suspension without pay on a charge of gross insubordination. The School Board was to vote Wednesday on the punishment. Administrators accuse Prudente of repeatedly using her school district computer last year "to send unwelcome emails of an inappropriate political nature to her co-workers." The school's principal said that Prudente had been repeatedly warned to stop the emails. Teachers had complained about receiving them. (By the way, is there a question in anybody’s mind that if the emails were about George Bush that she would have gotten a raise?)
A new study says that despite the redesign years ago of soda can openers, a disturbing number of kids, especially teenagers, are still accidentally swallowing them. Oh yeah, the future’s in real good hands.
A rare pink diamond was auctioned off for a record $10.8 mil in Hong Kong. Boy, Tiger Woods moved fast on getting an apology gift.
Sarah Palin's memoir "Going Rogue" has officially sold a million copies. But keep in mind that Sarah Palin bought 750,000 of them for friends and family using taxpayer money.
Joe Klein of Time magazine told Chris Matthews Sunday that training of the Afghanistan troops and security forces isn't going very well. Apparently, these guys are harder to coach than the Seahawks….
Thursday, December 3, 2009
Wednesday, December 2, 2009
12.02.09 Wed "Humbled." Yeah... right...
Even when you try to eat every dinner as a family, there are always going to be nights when you’re all running in a million different directions and you just can’t make it happen. When that reality would set in for either Ananda or myself, one of us would call the other one and say “it’s a free-for-all night.” We have another name for it now. The other night when my wife called me to tell me that it was one of those dinner nights she said “When it comes to dinner tonight, I’m going rogue.” From now on that’s what we’re going to call it when you’re on your own for food… “Alright, it’s a busy night. We’re going rogue.”
Maybe I did put up too many lights this year. I caught my neighbor Woody in my front yard last night trying to tan.
Bono says U2 are "delighted and humbled" to be headlining at next year's Glastonbury Festival. But don't get the wrong impression -- Bono still thinks he's cooler than you.
We’ve seen plenty of Twittered marriage proposals, but a recent video posted to YouTube takes the cake for the most unconventional Twitter and Facebook updates. During his wedding ceremony, Dana Hanna of Maryland whipped out his mobile device and not only changed his relationship status to married on Facebook, but also sent out a tweet announcing that the couple had become man and wife. The whole scene was captured on tape and posted to YouTube.
President Obama announced his new plan for Afghanistan. Which isn't terribly inspiring when you consider the guy can't even keep crashers out of his parties in the United States.
John Mellencamp's 14-year-old son has started a social networking campaign on Facebook that he hopes will get his rocker dad to quit smoking. The 58-year-old Mellencamp has said many times since his 1994 heart attack that he's failed in trying to kick his decades-old habit. Mellencamp's youngest son, Speck, says his dad has promised to quit if he gets 1 million people to join the Facebook group. More than 7,000 people had joined the group as of Tuesday afternoon. Mellencamp says the challenge is legitimate. The Facebook group is called: "1,000,000 to join, my dad john mellencamp will quit smoking."
Interesting study of the day: If she's happy, then he's happy -- and vice versa. Married men and women are significantly more satisfied with their life when their spouse is also satisfied with life, according to recent research from Britain's University of Warwick. But this only works if you're married. The same level of satisfaction was not found in couples who simply live together
Maybe I did put up too many lights this year. I caught my neighbor Woody in my front yard last night trying to tan.
Bono says U2 are "delighted and humbled" to be headlining at next year's Glastonbury Festival. But don't get the wrong impression -- Bono still thinks he's cooler than you.
We’ve seen plenty of Twittered marriage proposals, but a recent video posted to YouTube takes the cake for the most unconventional Twitter and Facebook updates. During his wedding ceremony, Dana Hanna of Maryland whipped out his mobile device and not only changed his relationship status to married on Facebook, but also sent out a tweet announcing that the couple had become man and wife. The whole scene was captured on tape and posted to YouTube.
President Obama announced his new plan for Afghanistan. Which isn't terribly inspiring when you consider the guy can't even keep crashers out of his parties in the United States.
John Mellencamp's 14-year-old son has started a social networking campaign on Facebook that he hopes will get his rocker dad to quit smoking. The 58-year-old Mellencamp has said many times since his 1994 heart attack that he's failed in trying to kick his decades-old habit. Mellencamp's youngest son, Speck, says his dad has promised to quit if he gets 1 million people to join the Facebook group. More than 7,000 people had joined the group as of Tuesday afternoon. Mellencamp says the challenge is legitimate. The Facebook group is called: "1,000,000 to join, my dad john mellencamp will quit smoking."
Interesting study of the day: If she's happy, then he's happy -- and vice versa. Married men and women are significantly more satisfied with their life when their spouse is also satisfied with life, according to recent research from Britain's University of Warwick. But this only works if you're married. The same level of satisfaction was not found in couples who simply live together
Tuesday, December 1, 2009
12.01.09 Mon "My name is Randy. And I'm an Outie."
Interesting post-op side effect from my surgery. They went in through my belly button for the operation. I have gone from being an “innie” my whole life to now being an “outie.” It’s like everything I know about myself has now changed…
Should there be a limit on the number of times someone can get married? Actor Tom Arnold just got married for a fourth time, according to People. C'mon, how many times do you tie the knot, until you just realize that holy matrimony just might not be for you…? Maybe a three strikes and you’re out law. Because after three marriages, maybe the problem is you…
Tired of dealing with years of late nights doing assignments with their oldest child and staring down more years of homework with their two younger kids, a couple of parents in Calgary Canada decided to fight the power. Sherri and Tom Milley, who are a couple of lawyers by the way, successfully sued the school district to stop them from assigning their kids homework. Now teachers must judge their kids based only on what they do in the classroom and cannot assign homework that goes into their grades. They said that the stress homework put on their family was too much, so their 18, 10, and 11 year old kids will now get more free time to smoke pot or do whatever kids do in Canada. I can’t help but wonder what their lives will be like as adults. Like if the first time they get called into the boss’ office for not getting their work done as adults if they’re going to say “you can’t give me anything to worry about outside of 9 to 5 or my mommy and daddy’ll sue!” Sheesh… and the world says that Americans are lazy….
Next time you think you’re really good at multi-tasking, remember Patricia McCalop. Patricia, a grandmother from Boston was busy preparing Thanksgiving dinner last week when all of a sudden her pregnant daughter went into labor two weeks early. As if preparing Thanksgiving dinner for all the relatives wasn’t hectic enough! While other relatives were on the phone with 911, Patricia delivered a healthy granddaughter. She says she even kept, and I’m not making this up, running between her daughter’s labor and the kitchen because she didn’t want to burn the bird. By the way, the baby weighed in a 6 pounds… and the turkey at 20.
Swedish police say they have closed the case and cleared a man in the death of his wife, 63 year old Agneta Westlund. Agneta was found dead after an evening stroll and as often happens, the first person of suspicion is the spouse. But Agneta’s hubby was cleared when the CSIs discovered hairs and saliva from a moose on the victim’s clothing. Yes, Agneta sadly was murdered by a moose. In order to apprehend the offending moose a special taskforce has been formed, under the direction of Sarah Palin.
Chelsea Clinton is engaged. Now everyone’s wondering which designer gown she’ll wear, where will the honeymoon be… who will Bill take as a date to the wedding….
Researchers say there is now conclusive proof that super tiny magnetic discs destroy cancer cells. Just while undergoing treatment, you have to remember not to get within three feet of a refrigerator…. Or bam! You’re stuck there with your kids’ latest artwork and the grocery list.
According to one report, this year if you were to buy everything mentioned in the song 12 Days of Christmas, you would spend over $87,000. It’s cheaper to sing 99 Bottles of Beer.
A Texas researcher has found a way to make cotton edible. Ha! And you thought Victoria's Secret push-up bra couldn't get any better.
Should there be a limit on the number of times someone can get married? Actor Tom Arnold just got married for a fourth time, according to People. C'mon, how many times do you tie the knot, until you just realize that holy matrimony just might not be for you…? Maybe a three strikes and you’re out law. Because after three marriages, maybe the problem is you…
Tired of dealing with years of late nights doing assignments with their oldest child and staring down more years of homework with their two younger kids, a couple of parents in Calgary Canada decided to fight the power. Sherri and Tom Milley, who are a couple of lawyers by the way, successfully sued the school district to stop them from assigning their kids homework. Now teachers must judge their kids based only on what they do in the classroom and cannot assign homework that goes into their grades. They said that the stress homework put on their family was too much, so their 18, 10, and 11 year old kids will now get more free time to smoke pot or do whatever kids do in Canada. I can’t help but wonder what their lives will be like as adults. Like if the first time they get called into the boss’ office for not getting their work done as adults if they’re going to say “you can’t give me anything to worry about outside of 9 to 5 or my mommy and daddy’ll sue!” Sheesh… and the world says that Americans are lazy….
Next time you think you’re really good at multi-tasking, remember Patricia McCalop. Patricia, a grandmother from Boston was busy preparing Thanksgiving dinner last week when all of a sudden her pregnant daughter went into labor two weeks early. As if preparing Thanksgiving dinner for all the relatives wasn’t hectic enough! While other relatives were on the phone with 911, Patricia delivered a healthy granddaughter. She says she even kept, and I’m not making this up, running between her daughter’s labor and the kitchen because she didn’t want to burn the bird. By the way, the baby weighed in a 6 pounds… and the turkey at 20.
Swedish police say they have closed the case and cleared a man in the death of his wife, 63 year old Agneta Westlund. Agneta was found dead after an evening stroll and as often happens, the first person of suspicion is the spouse. But Agneta’s hubby was cleared when the CSIs discovered hairs and saliva from a moose on the victim’s clothing. Yes, Agneta sadly was murdered by a moose. In order to apprehend the offending moose a special taskforce has been formed, under the direction of Sarah Palin.
Chelsea Clinton is engaged. Now everyone’s wondering which designer gown she’ll wear, where will the honeymoon be… who will Bill take as a date to the wedding….
Researchers say there is now conclusive proof that super tiny magnetic discs destroy cancer cells. Just while undergoing treatment, you have to remember not to get within three feet of a refrigerator…. Or bam! You’re stuck there with your kids’ latest artwork and the grocery list.
According to one report, this year if you were to buy everything mentioned in the song 12 Days of Christmas, you would spend over $87,000. It’s cheaper to sing 99 Bottles of Beer.
A Texas researcher has found a way to make cotton edible. Ha! And you thought Victoria's Secret push-up bra couldn't get any better.
Monday, November 30, 2009
11.30.09 Mon "Post-Op Blogging"
Sorry for the delay putting up a new post. As most of you know, I had some surgery recently. That coupled with the Thanksgiving holiday made me a rather lazy blogger. Please forgive me. Now, onto the foolishness...
Found a great way to free up some space in the kitchen when you have lots of dishes that need to go into the oven all at one time; toss your bird on the barbie! This year we cooked a 20 pound turkey outside on the deck in the grill. It was amazing! Juicy, golden, and filled with that smoky grilled flavor. We’ll never make our Thanksgiving bird in the oven again. Now, if I can just figure out how to make that weird mushroom green bean side dish over open flame as well….
You know sometimes you can handle two things separately, but when faced with both of them at the same time it becomes unbearable? Like when my wife went into labor with Tessie, she said she could either handle the pain or the nausea, but pain AND nausea was too much and she had to get an epidural. I had a similar situation this past week. I had the pain of hernia surgery. And my in-laws were visiting. AT THE SAME TIME! It was too much for one man. And to make it even worse, my mother in law is a nurse and my father in law is a doctor. So I couldn’t pull anything over on them and milk the pain, they had my number. “Oh yeah,” Doctor Dan told me. “My 89 year old patient, Herbert Mumphry had that exact same surgery last week. He was climbing Mount Everest the very next weekend… you’ll be fine….”
We doubled our lighting display this year on our house. It would make Clark Grizwald proud. But of course that means in order to make up for the money we’re going to be wasting on our lighting display, we’re going to have to cut costs elsewhere. So, I think I’m going to turn off the heat in the house except for about three hours each day. I think I’m going to hold a Scott family sweater drive.
The in-laws are gone and the kids are back in school. Forget last Thursday. TODAY is the day to give thanks.
Due to Christmas shopping Walmart has updated its security measures. If they work, then they’ll try them at the White House.
Forget the sexy hourglass figure -- large breasts, tiny waist and curvy hips -- that so many men desire and pop culture worships. The ideal female figure is one with a tubby waistline that is more of a cylinder shape. Women who have an imperfect body with a bigger waist than they may like could actually find this excess body fat is the key to their economic success, reports LiveScience.com. Anthropologist Elizabeth Cashdan of the University of Utah says the same hormones that tend to redistribute fat from the hips to the waist also make women physically stronger, more competitive and better able to deal with stress.
Hey guys, want to make more money? Then take a lesson from billionaire Ted Turner and grow a mustache. But just don't count on keeping the extra moolah. A new study reveals that your school career counselors were all wrong when they told you to show up for job interviews with a good, clean shave. Men who sport mustaches are not only more likely to get hired at job interviews but they're also more likely to command bigger paychecks, says the study performed by Quicken and the American Mustache Institute. Mustachioed men make 4.3 percent more than clean shaven guys and 8.2 percent more than bearded gents, say pollsters. But then there's the matter of keeping the extra cash the survey shows men with mustaches spend 11 percent more and save 3 percent less than the combined average of bearded and clean shaven fellows.
What gets you in the Christmas Spirit? We put up our lights and got a tree the day after Thanksgiving. That was a good start… but I’ll really get in the Christmas Spirit tonight after watching “How the Grinch Stole Christmas” on TV. This is the classic 1966 version, not that Jim Carey piece of junk made a couple of years ago….
Found a great way to free up some space in the kitchen when you have lots of dishes that need to go into the oven all at one time; toss your bird on the barbie! This year we cooked a 20 pound turkey outside on the deck in the grill. It was amazing! Juicy, golden, and filled with that smoky grilled flavor. We’ll never make our Thanksgiving bird in the oven again. Now, if I can just figure out how to make that weird mushroom green bean side dish over open flame as well….
You know sometimes you can handle two things separately, but when faced with both of them at the same time it becomes unbearable? Like when my wife went into labor with Tessie, she said she could either handle the pain or the nausea, but pain AND nausea was too much and she had to get an epidural. I had a similar situation this past week. I had the pain of hernia surgery. And my in-laws were visiting. AT THE SAME TIME! It was too much for one man. And to make it even worse, my mother in law is a nurse and my father in law is a doctor. So I couldn’t pull anything over on them and milk the pain, they had my number. “Oh yeah,” Doctor Dan told me. “My 89 year old patient, Herbert Mumphry had that exact same surgery last week. He was climbing Mount Everest the very next weekend… you’ll be fine….”
We doubled our lighting display this year on our house. It would make Clark Grizwald proud. But of course that means in order to make up for the money we’re going to be wasting on our lighting display, we’re going to have to cut costs elsewhere. So, I think I’m going to turn off the heat in the house except for about three hours each day. I think I’m going to hold a Scott family sweater drive.
The in-laws are gone and the kids are back in school. Forget last Thursday. TODAY is the day to give thanks.
Due to Christmas shopping Walmart has updated its security measures. If they work, then they’ll try them at the White House.
Forget the sexy hourglass figure -- large breasts, tiny waist and curvy hips -- that so many men desire and pop culture worships. The ideal female figure is one with a tubby waistline that is more of a cylinder shape. Women who have an imperfect body with a bigger waist than they may like could actually find this excess body fat is the key to their economic success, reports LiveScience.com. Anthropologist Elizabeth Cashdan of the University of Utah says the same hormones that tend to redistribute fat from the hips to the waist also make women physically stronger, more competitive and better able to deal with stress.
Hey guys, want to make more money? Then take a lesson from billionaire Ted Turner and grow a mustache. But just don't count on keeping the extra moolah. A new study reveals that your school career counselors were all wrong when they told you to show up for job interviews with a good, clean shave. Men who sport mustaches are not only more likely to get hired at job interviews but they're also more likely to command bigger paychecks, says the study performed by Quicken and the American Mustache Institute. Mustachioed men make 4.3 percent more than clean shaven guys and 8.2 percent more than bearded gents, say pollsters. But then there's the matter of keeping the extra cash the survey shows men with mustaches spend 11 percent more and save 3 percent less than the combined average of bearded and clean shaven fellows.
What gets you in the Christmas Spirit? We put up our lights and got a tree the day after Thanksgiving. That was a good start… but I’ll really get in the Christmas Spirit tonight after watching “How the Grinch Stole Christmas” on TV. This is the classic 1966 version, not that Jim Carey piece of junk made a couple of years ago….
Thursday, November 19, 2009
11.19.09 Thurs. "Leggo my Eggo... or I'll KILL you!"
Can’t eat anything or drink anything after midnight tonight. I’m already thirsty and hungry. I’m going to eat an entire pizza and a jug of soda at 11:59 PM, just to make sure I don’t die of thirst and hunger on the operating table Friday.
A new report says a Barbie toy has been found with high levels of lead. But, honestly, if your kid is licking their Barbie dolls, you’ve got a much bigger problem.
A company in London is offering translation services to parents, especially celebrities, so that they don’t accidentally give their baby a cute-sounding name that actually has less pleasant meanings in other languages. Perhaps that would have changed things for Gwyneth Paltrow’s youngest child, Guano.
Police say the New Jersey man they arrested after his vehicle hit a cyclist lost control of his vehicle because he was texting a drug deal. Did you ever just have one of those days?
Eggo waffles are disappearing from store shelves. That’s because a summer flood at Kellogg’s Atlanta factory and equipment problems at a Rossville, Tennessee, plant have hampered production of the popular Eggo. And the shortage may last a while. Kellogg says in a statement on its website: "Eggo is working around the clock to bring everyone's favorite waffles back to store shelves as quickly as possible. We hope to regain full distribution of Eggo products by the middle of 2010." Dark days are coming for at-home American breakfasts, mark my words….
A judge in Boston has ruled that airport officials violated the rights of a Rastafarian baggage handler at Logan Airport, Josue Brissot, when they hired him with dreadlocks, and then tried to fire him for not cutting them off. See---this is a case of the airport officials not being very smart. If you really want to fire this Rastafarian---don't tell him to cut his dreadlocks...Ask him for a urine test!
A new report says a Barbie toy has been found with high levels of lead. But, honestly, if your kid is licking their Barbie dolls, you’ve got a much bigger problem.
A company in London is offering translation services to parents, especially celebrities, so that they don’t accidentally give their baby a cute-sounding name that actually has less pleasant meanings in other languages. Perhaps that would have changed things for Gwyneth Paltrow’s youngest child, Guano.
Police say the New Jersey man they arrested after his vehicle hit a cyclist lost control of his vehicle because he was texting a drug deal. Did you ever just have one of those days?
Eggo waffles are disappearing from store shelves. That’s because a summer flood at Kellogg’s Atlanta factory and equipment problems at a Rossville, Tennessee, plant have hampered production of the popular Eggo. And the shortage may last a while. Kellogg says in a statement on its website: "Eggo is working around the clock to bring everyone's favorite waffles back to store shelves as quickly as possible. We hope to regain full distribution of Eggo products by the middle of 2010." Dark days are coming for at-home American breakfasts, mark my words….
A judge in Boston has ruled that airport officials violated the rights of a Rastafarian baggage handler at Logan Airport, Josue Brissot, when they hired him with dreadlocks, and then tried to fire him for not cutting them off. See---this is a case of the airport officials not being very smart. If you really want to fire this Rastafarian---don't tell him to cut his dreadlocks...Ask him for a urine test!
Wednesday, November 18, 2009
11.18.09 Wed. "Oh Christmas Tree... wait is that a squirrel?!"
My all-natural, hippie, Mother Earth-loving wife thinks it would be cool if this year we went out into the woods and cut our own Christmas Tree this year. Granted, that sounds very “Norman Rockwell” and everything, but I have many concerns. First of all, I’m worried I may end up on somebody’s property and they will pop off some rounds from a shotgun at us. Secondly, there’s all the hard work and I am going to be already healing from a hernia operation. At the tree lots they cut the bottom off of the tree and tie it to the top of your car. Last time I checked, a woodland chipmunk won’t do the same for you. Oh, and speaking of wildlife, you know we’d get it home and prop up the tree only to find that a family of squirrels was living in it. No, I’m thinking it makes more sense to make the trek down to our local Safeway parking lot for a Christmas Tree just like our forefathers did.
Speaking of the holidays, the temptation of all of those Pumpkin Spice, Eggnog, and Cherry Mocha season treats at the coffee shops are starting to get to me. But I found a way to resist. I bought some calorie-free seasonal coffee. It’s just regular ground coffee you brew at home, but it has a hint of naughty-flavor, like Gingerbread Spice, without any of the calories of a latte. Millstone makes some pretty good coffees. By the way, did you know Millstone started in Everett?! What is it with this place and producing coffee companies? With this intense desire for hot caffeine, you’d think it was cold, grey, and depressing in the Northwest or something….
The Supreme Court won't hear an appeal from a group of Native Americans who think the name of the NFL's Washington Redskins football team is offensive. But the Court is thinking about hearing an appeal from a group of actual birds of prey who are generally offended by the way the Seahawks play.
Many of the nation's mall Santas want to be given priority for the H1N1 vaccine. Swine flu has become such a concern that the Amalgamated Order of Real Bearded Santas featured a seminar on the illness at a recent conference in Philadelphia. The group also urged its members to use hand sanitizer and take vitamins to boost their immune systems. The president of the organization said he also hopes parents will keep sick kids away. Forget the cookies and milk! Santa wants some swine flu vaccine!
The new "Twilight" movie will be out soon. Which parents, explains the sudden emergence of teenagers from their bedrooms.
Not surprising study of the day: Almost a quarter of U.S. employers say morale among workers at their companies is low, according to a survey released this week. Two out of five had trouble staying motivated at work in the last year and a quarter do not feel loyal to their employer. Asked what could be contributing to low morale, two in five workers said stress levels were high, and about half said their workload has increased in the last six months.
Police in Seattle said an intoxicated man overestimated his own ninja skills and impaled himself on a fence post. An officer heard screams at about 11:15 Monday night and found the man impaled on a spike atop a 5-foot-tall fence. Fire Department responders freed the man from the spike and he was taken to a hospital. The man later told police he thought he was a ninja and would be able to successfully leap over the fence. “Ah grasshopper… you must learn to not drink like fish if you want to leap like gazelle.”
Speaking of the holidays, the temptation of all of those Pumpkin Spice, Eggnog, and Cherry Mocha season treats at the coffee shops are starting to get to me. But I found a way to resist. I bought some calorie-free seasonal coffee. It’s just regular ground coffee you brew at home, but it has a hint of naughty-flavor, like Gingerbread Spice, without any of the calories of a latte. Millstone makes some pretty good coffees. By the way, did you know Millstone started in Everett?! What is it with this place and producing coffee companies? With this intense desire for hot caffeine, you’d think it was cold, grey, and depressing in the Northwest or something….
The Supreme Court won't hear an appeal from a group of Native Americans who think the name of the NFL's Washington Redskins football team is offensive. But the Court is thinking about hearing an appeal from a group of actual birds of prey who are generally offended by the way the Seahawks play.
Many of the nation's mall Santas want to be given priority for the H1N1 vaccine. Swine flu has become such a concern that the Amalgamated Order of Real Bearded Santas featured a seminar on the illness at a recent conference in Philadelphia. The group also urged its members to use hand sanitizer and take vitamins to boost their immune systems. The president of the organization said he also hopes parents will keep sick kids away. Forget the cookies and milk! Santa wants some swine flu vaccine!
The new "Twilight" movie will be out soon. Which parents, explains the sudden emergence of teenagers from their bedrooms.
Not surprising study of the day: Almost a quarter of U.S. employers say morale among workers at their companies is low, according to a survey released this week. Two out of five had trouble staying motivated at work in the last year and a quarter do not feel loyal to their employer. Asked what could be contributing to low morale, two in five workers said stress levels were high, and about half said their workload has increased in the last six months.
Police in Seattle said an intoxicated man overestimated his own ninja skills and impaled himself on a fence post. An officer heard screams at about 11:15 Monday night and found the man impaled on a spike atop a 5-foot-tall fence. Fire Department responders freed the man from the spike and he was taken to a hospital. The man later told police he thought he was a ninja and would be able to successfully leap over the fence. “Ah grasshopper… you must learn to not drink like fish if you want to leap like gazelle.”
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
11.17.09 Tues "Bullwinkle, that trick NEVER works..."
Environmental groups are suing the Federal Government to return the flying squirrel to the endangered species list. It was removed from the list when during the last count its numbers grew from just 10 flying squirrels to 12-hundred since 1985. But even though the numbers are growing, the environmentalists say that they are concerned that the flying squirrels’ habitat is now in danger… from Boris and Natasha.
The government of Uganda says that the bodies of those who die from drinking illegal booze in that country should be caned six times before burial to serve as an example to the living. Over 50 people have died in the last two months from drinking illegally produced hooch, and the beatings of the dead they say will help warn against bad behavior. I mean, I’ve heard of beating a dead horse, but this is taking things a little far don’t you thing….?
Seems nobody is free from worrying about H1N1, not even the Magic Kingdom. In an effort to halt the spread of swine flu, Walt Disney World has installed dozens of hand sanitizer dispensers throughout the theme park. “Kids, remember to wash your hands after touching Goofy. And don’t even THINK about going to visit the three little pigs….”
Researchers say that chemicals in plastics alter the brains of baby boys making them "more feminine". It could be plastics, or it could be "Sing-Me-A-Show-Tune Elmo,” researchers aren’t actually sure…
A team of experts is trying to drill through Antarctic ice to retrieve 100-year-old lost crates of whiskey. The expedition is made possible through a generous grant from the Lindsey Lohan Foundation.
(Here’s the real story: The head of a New Zealand expedition said his team is attempting to retrieve whiskey that explorer Ernest Shackleton took with him on his South Pole expedition. The team claims crates containing the whiskey were abandoned by the British explorer during his failed 1909 journey and are currently frozen in ice in Antarctica. The expedition team will use special drills to gain access to the trapped crates and hopefully procure a bottle of the McKinlay and Co. whiskey. Whyte & Mackay, the company that owned the now-defunct McKinlay and Co., has asked for a sample of the whiskey so it could attempt to replicate it.)
The government of Uganda says that the bodies of those who die from drinking illegal booze in that country should be caned six times before burial to serve as an example to the living. Over 50 people have died in the last two months from drinking illegally produced hooch, and the beatings of the dead they say will help warn against bad behavior. I mean, I’ve heard of beating a dead horse, but this is taking things a little far don’t you thing….?
Seems nobody is free from worrying about H1N1, not even the Magic Kingdom. In an effort to halt the spread of swine flu, Walt Disney World has installed dozens of hand sanitizer dispensers throughout the theme park. “Kids, remember to wash your hands after touching Goofy. And don’t even THINK about going to visit the three little pigs….”
Researchers say that chemicals in plastics alter the brains of baby boys making them "more feminine". It could be plastics, or it could be "Sing-Me-A-Show-Tune Elmo,” researchers aren’t actually sure…
A team of experts is trying to drill through Antarctic ice to retrieve 100-year-old lost crates of whiskey. The expedition is made possible through a generous grant from the Lindsey Lohan Foundation.
(Here’s the real story: The head of a New Zealand expedition said his team is attempting to retrieve whiskey that explorer Ernest Shackleton took with him on his South Pole expedition. The team claims crates containing the whiskey were abandoned by the British explorer during his failed 1909 journey and are currently frozen in ice in Antarctica. The expedition team will use special drills to gain access to the trapped crates and hopefully procure a bottle of the McKinlay and Co. whiskey. Whyte & Mackay, the company that owned the now-defunct McKinlay and Co., has asked for a sample of the whiskey so it could attempt to replicate it.)
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