10.05.09 Mon. "Another birther controversy"

Folks who've tied the knot are bound to have better health than their single, divorced or widowed peers, a new study from Michigan State University reveals. The study says there are two reasons why married people enjoy better health. First, being married grants more access to social support and economic resources. Second, being divorced or widowed damages one's health. (Oh, and don’t dismiss the nagging…) Stay married, stay healthy!

If you're angry at him for leaving dirty dishes in the sink, say so. If you're upset with her for ignoring you at the end of a long day, speak up. Holding it in with the idea of not starting an argument is the fastest way to kill a marriage. Why? It creates emotional distance. The Rev. David Code, an Episcopal priest, family coach and author of "To Raise Happy Kids, Put Your Marriage First," says couples today are quick to suppress the urge to argue with one another. "But just because you seldom argue doesn't mean your marriage is strong. The real silent killer of marriage is distancing yourself from your partner," he writes in a column published in the Christian Science Monitor. Code insists that couples should worry more about their flight response, which is the instinct to avoid your partner, than their fight response, the instinct to argue it out verbally.

In Hillsboro, Oregon, a 30-year-old woman tried to rob a bank last week by handing a teller a threatening note. The note read: "Need $300 or I'll kill you. I'm serious." But the teller didn't comply, hit the silent alarm, or anything. Pretty soon, the bank manager came around to offer some assistance things seemed to be taking a lot of time at that window. That's when the woman who originally came in to rob the place claimed she was really just trying to open an account. Police showed up and arrested the woman. Oh, and the reason the teller didn't hand over the cash? She couldn't read the holdup note because the “robber” had bad penmanship…

A new study indicates that too much candy in childhood leads to life as a violent criminal. The moral of the story? Never pick a fight with a man with cavities.

A photograph of Iranian president Mahmoud Ahmadinejad’s identity card shows that his name used to be Sabourjian – a Jewish name meaning cloth weaver. This could be just the birther controversy that will finally bring Ahmadinejad and Obama together. “Look Barack at how much we have in common!”

I’m all into being healthy and stuff, but I think this is political correctness run amok. New York City’s Education Department has banned bake sales as school fundraisers to keep students away from eating too much sugar and fats. I don’t see what the issue is. It’s not the students eating the stuff sold at the bake sale anyway, it’s us the parents! Stop trying to legislate Grandma’s special caramel truffle double chocolate brownies!