10.29.09 Thurs. "What We've Learned From Horror Movies."

Genius Quiz:
Q: I got one of those Value-Packs in the mail yesterday that’s filled with offers, ads, and coupons. One was for Roto-Rooter. They had a specific warning for homeowners this time of year that they needed to be aware of, or they would be getting a visit from a plumber. What is it?
A: Never put pumpkin pulp into drains, toilets, or garbage disposers. The stringy and sticky gunk is ideal for clogging drains and doesn’t grind thoroughly.

Taking my niece Shareena to Rascal Flatts tonight. She’s getting the full Seattle experience. It’s been really grey and now rainy. And yesterday she had to buy a phone charger because she left hers back in Omaha and couldn’t believe how high our sales tax was. All I have to do is show her the guys at the Market who toss fish and get her harassed by a homeless panhandler and she can say she had an authentic Seattle vacation.

Did you know that the show “America’s Funniest Home Videos” has been on the air for 20 years?! The show has done some research to see which videos are the funniest, meaning which ones have won the most money on the show over the last two decades. Of the winning videos, 260 videos have won funniest video and more than half of those were dog videos. (34 cats won, 22 birds, and 9 squirrels have also been crowned funniest.) So I think we can conclude without question that dogs are the funniest pets. Oh, and the show has also created a list of wise things they have learned from watching these videos over the years.
1. Never hold food next to a monkey.
2. Don’t stand behind a horse.
3. If you put a bowl of food in the middle of a group of puppies, they will move around it clockwise.
4. Dogs tend to howl at pianos.

US Airways announced that it will cut 1,000 jobs. Uh-oh. That means more distracted pilots on their laptops polishing their resumes.

According to a new poll, more than seven in ten Americans think Sarah Palin is not qualified to be president. While the other three love that shade of lipstick she's wearing.

You know that high you get when you are working out? It lasts! In fact, the feel-good afterglow a workout brings may last far beyond the hour or so that’s been previously assumed. Researchers from the University of Vermont, Burlington say moderate intensity aerobic exercise improves mood immediately and those improvements can last up to 12 hours.

THINGS WE'VE LEARNED FROM HORROR FILMS When it appears that you have killed the monster, NEVER check to see if it's really dead. It isn't. If you find that your house is built upon or near a cemetery, was once a church, had previous inhabitants who went mad or committed suicide or died in some horrible fashion, or had inhabitants who performed satanic practices in your house, move immediately. Never read a book of demon summoning aloud, even as a joke. Do not search the basement, especially if the power has just gone out. If your children speak to you in Latin or any other language which they should not know, or if they speak to you using a voice other than their own, shoot them immediately. It will save you a lot of grief in the long run. NOTE: It will probably take several rounds to kill them, so be prepared. When you have the benefit of a group of people, NEVER pair off and go it alone. As a general rule, don't solve puzzles that open portals to Hell. If you're searching for something that caused a noise and find out that it's just the cat, leave the room immediately if you value your life. If you find a town that looks deserted, it's probably for a reason. Take the hint and leave now. If you're running from the monster, expect to trip or fall down at least twice; more if you are of a female. Even though you may be faster than the monster, you can be sure that it WILL catch you.