12.01.09 Mon "My name is Randy. And I'm an Outie."

Interesting post-op side effect from my surgery. They went in through my belly button for the operation. I have gone from being an “innie” my whole life to now being an “outie.” It’s like everything I know about myself has now changed…

Should there be a limit on the number of times someone can get married? Actor Tom Arnold just got married for a fourth time, according to People. C'mon, how many times do you tie the knot, until you just realize that holy matrimony just might not be for you…? Maybe a three strikes and you’re out law. Because after three marriages, maybe the problem is you…

Tired of dealing with years of late nights doing assignments with their oldest child and staring down more years of homework with their two younger kids, a couple of parents in Calgary Canada decided to fight the power. Sherri and Tom Milley, who are a couple of lawyers by the way, successfully sued the school district to stop them from assigning their kids homework. Now teachers must judge their kids based only on what they do in the classroom and cannot assign homework that goes into their grades. They said that the stress homework put on their family was too much, so their 18, 10, and 11 year old kids will now get more free time to smoke pot or do whatever kids do in Canada. I can’t help but wonder what their lives will be like as adults. Like if the first time they get called into the boss’ office for not getting their work done as adults if they’re going to say “you can’t give me anything to worry about outside of 9 to 5 or my mommy and daddy’ll sue!” Sheesh… and the world says that Americans are lazy….

Next time you think you’re really good at multi-tasking, remember Patricia McCalop. Patricia, a grandmother from Boston was busy preparing Thanksgiving dinner last week when all of a sudden her pregnant daughter went into labor two weeks early. As if preparing Thanksgiving dinner for all the relatives wasn’t hectic enough! While other relatives were on the phone with 911, Patricia delivered a healthy granddaughter. She says she even kept, and I’m not making this up, running between her daughter’s labor and the kitchen because she didn’t want to burn the bird. By the way, the baby weighed in a 6 pounds… and the turkey at 20.

Swedish police say they have closed the case and cleared a man in the death of his wife, 63 year old Agneta Westlund. Agneta was found dead after an evening stroll and as often happens, the first person of suspicion is the spouse. But Agneta’s hubby was cleared when the CSIs discovered hairs and saliva from a moose on the victim’s clothing. Yes, Agneta sadly was murdered by a moose. In order to apprehend the offending moose a special taskforce has been formed, under the direction of Sarah Palin.

Chelsea Clinton is engaged. Now everyone’s wondering which designer gown she’ll wear, where will the honeymoon be… who will Bill take as a date to the wedding….

Researchers say there is now conclusive proof that super tiny magnetic discs destroy cancer cells. Just while undergoing treatment, you have to remember not to get within three feet of a refrigerator…. Or bam! You’re stuck there with your kids’ latest artwork and the grocery list.

According to one report, this year if you were to buy everything mentioned in the song 12 Days of Christmas, you would spend over $87,000. It’s cheaper to sing 99 Bottles of Beer.

A Texas researcher has found a way to make cotton edible. Ha! And you thought Victoria's Secret push-up bra couldn't get any better.