07.28.09 Tues "My 100th blog post! Pop a cork or something!"

Pretty excited… Yesterday I was able to go to the gym and ride the exercise bike. First time I’ve worked out since my shoulder surgery. Felt pretty good and got a heck of a workout. I’d love to say that it’s because I couldn’t wait to start getting back into shape, but honestly I was there because my fitness club has air conditioning.

Speaking of the gym, here’s a Genius Test… According to a new survey, why do most people work out?
Staying healthy is the reason most fit adults gave for hitting the gym, and they are doing it for the ones they love. Fifty-four percent of Americans who responded to the poll said they want to stay fit for their loved ones. Only 40 percent said they work out to look good.

So, which makes it harder to sleep in your own home; a Seattle heat wave where its still 80 degrees at 9 PM… or… having relatives visit…? When you have both, it’s pretty much time to surrender and put another pot of coffee on to brew.

We’ve heard of bikini baristas, bikini car washes… now out of the south comes, bikini bandits. In Southhaven, Mississippi, a driver was carjacked by a woman wearing a bikini. You know, that’s got to be thest nice thing about being self-employed -- no dress code.

I can’t believe the news has come down to this, but it has… The White House has revealed what beer will be served at the much-anticipated meeting this week between Harvard professor Henry Louis Gates Jr., police officer James Crowley and President Obama: Bud for the president and Blue Moon for Crowley. The Boston Globe reports Gates likes Red Stripe and Beck's.
A new survey by Playboy says most (90 percent) American women would rather have a perfect body than a perfectly built boyfriend, and that most (60 percent) men would rather have a perfectly built girlfriend than a perfect body. Good. Then we’re all in agreement.

07.27.09 Mon "This blog was made in China"

At Tessie’s birthday over the weekend, I noticed that most of her presents were made in China as was the Princess Castle piñata, the paper plates, and the plastic silverware. Joining us at the party were our friends from China, Pei and Chen and their two kids, Grace and Max. Got to talking with Pei and asked him if when he and Chen moved to the US if they were surprised at how much stuff said “Made in China” on it. He said that he knew China made a ton of stuff for America, but it didn’t really hit him until on his first visit to the US he tried to buy some souvenirs for people back home and realized he couldn’t find anything that DIDN’T say “Made in China” on it…) You know how we have “Made in Washington Stores” around here? I think it’s time somebody opened a “Made in America” store. I understand we’re part of a global economy and everything, but I bet people would be more likely to buy stuff that was made in America than stuff made in China given the opportunity.

As if you needed more proof that I’m married to a greenie, hippie chick, the adorable pink Princess Castle cake that she made for Tessie’s birthday was covered with frosting that was colored, not with food coloring, but with organic beet juice. Somehow combining dessert and vegetables just seems wrong.

Speaking of Princess Castles, that was also the shape of Tessie’s piñata. But it wasn’t the type of piñata that kids take a stick to and whack. It had a bunch of strings hanging out of the bottom and kids would take turns pulling a string. Only one of the strings was actually attached to the trapdoor that unleashed the candy and toys from the piñata. My father-in-law from Michigan said that it was a Seattle piñata. Only in Seattle would we not want our kids violently beating a defenseless animal with a stick, even if it was a piñata. No donkeys and bats for us thank you, we’re politically correct! Too bad too; I had the video camera out and everything. Getting video of a three year old whacking a piñata and accidentally hitting grandpa in the crotch is worth a couple of grand on “America’s Funniest Home Videos!”

Who would have thought that the east coast would ever beat out Seattle for something green? In Philadelphia this week they just announced that they are now using a massive solar-powered trash compactor. It replaces 700 downtown trash bins and saves the city about 875 thousand dollars each year. How appropriate that in a town known for cheese steaks, soft pretzels, and cannolis and recently named “America’s fattest city” that Philadelphia named their new huge new solar trash compactor, “Big Belly.”

Sarah Palin hasn’t said what she plans to do now that she’s no longer governor. I don’t want to stir the rumor mill too much, but it may have something to do with the reason American Idol hasn’t invited Paula back…

French President Nicolas Sarkozy's office says he was rushed by helicopter to a military hospital Sunday after he felt unwell during a strenuous jog on a hot afternoon. If Sarkozy can't take a little afternoon heat, how can he possible stand being married to a former supermodel?

The latest Nielsen ratings say that ABC's news program "Nightline" is getting more viewers than both the "Tonight Show" and "David Letterman." You know what this means? Obama's actual health plan is funnier than jokes about Obama's health plan!

So why does your man give one-word answers? "The simple excuse is that men don't want to get in trouble," says psychologist Steve Stephens, PhD, author of "Lost in Translation." "Men want to feel like the authorities, and the more they say, the more information women have to analyze." And ultimately, that can lead to being proven wrong on any given subject. If you really want him to open up, says Stephens, validate his answer with an offhand remark like "That's interesting." He'll be encouraged to keep going.

07.24.09 Fri "My Personal Frosted Hell"

I’m glad Tessie’s birthday party is almost here. The past several nights I’ve come home to “test cakes.” These are recipes Ananda is trying out for the party. Don’t get me wrong, they are all delicious, but for a guy who is trying to watch his calories and can’t exercise the way he’s grown accustomed to, this is like my personal Hell. A delicious, icing covered Hell, but Hell nonetheless.

Scientists say after a massive earthquake last week New Zealand slid closer to Australia. But I’ll bet you the airlines still won’t reduce their ticket prices.

A project to build and design an artificial human brain could be completed in the next 10 years. Wait, I thought that was why I bought a Blackberry…

Think it’s going to be hot around here next week? Ha!
On this date in 1936, Alton, Kansas hit an all-time record high temperature of 121-degrees. It was so hot...

Potatoes cooked in the ground and all you had to do was pull them out of the ground and add butter, salt and pepper.

Farmers fed their crushed ice to keep them from laying hard-boiled eggs.

Cows were giving evaporated milk.

You could make instant sun tea.

When the temperature dropped below 95, you got chills.

Hot water came out of BOTH taps.

07.23.09 Thurs "OMG! Stop texting and driving!"

Saw a bus billboard yesterday that said “OMG! STOP TEXTING AND DRIVING! We’d hate to be your next service provider.” Any thoughts on what company it was an ad for? Washelli Mortuary! Now that’s a mortician with a sense of humor!

The relatives start arriving today from all over for Tessie’s third birthday. Nana Beth and Papa Dan (Ananda’s mom and step dad) got in last night in the RV. You know when relatives visit, they should always come in an RV. Now air mattresses to blow up in the living room, no overcrowding in the bathroom, no loud chatting when you are trying to fall asleep. All they need from me is a place to park that sucker and an outlet. Awesome.

Huge controversy in Tacoma. When they built the second Tacoma Narrows Bridge, the installed a new foghorn. For the past 50 years, the foghorn that sits on the bridge has been described as a “deep, comforting air horn.” But the new one is a digital electromagnetic device that nearby residents say sound like a really large burp. Specifically, a long “brrrraaaaaaap.” Foghorns are supposed to be kind of romantic on foggy days, but people who live near this one say its about as romantic as a car alarm. Residents are calling for it to be removed. Sure, some ships run aground, but come on who wants to hear a large burp on a foggy day….?

07.22.09 Wed. "Love that 'new roof' smell."

I have a couple of new favorite things. Yesterday I was walking the dog next to an elementary school where they are putting on a new roof. It was hotter than heck, and I couldn’t help but notice the guys up on the roof working away. Wow, what a rough job. As I watched I realized it wasn’t just watching them that caught my attention. It was also the smell. I think one of my new favorite smells is that of the tar they use on roofing projects. Granted, I wouldn’t want to be up there on an 89 degree day spreading it, but I wouldn’t mind sitting under a tree, sipping lemonade and smelling it from time to time.

For Father’s Day, my mom got me a wind chime for my front porch. Not something I would normally buy for myself, so I thought it was a little unusual. But I gotta tell you, since I put it up I’m in love with wind chimes. I can’t wait for a breeze to pick up so I can hear it. While walking the door I found myself listening for wind chimes on other porches. I think there should be a wind chime club or something.

We were talking about ways to stand out when you are applying for a job? How about this:
Job seekers who want to make a mouth-watering impression are introducing themselves to prospective employers with Meat Business Cards, thin slices of beef jerky printed up with contact information. Meat Cards uses a 150 watt laser to sear your name, number and other important data into a tasty treat that's bound to get extra attention. "Meat Cards do not fit in a Rolodex because their deliciousness cannot be contained in a Rolodex," declares a company spokesman.

07.21 Tues "Reckless Weinermobile"

It’s been a while since we’ve shared one, so it’s time for an upside to the downturn! Even during the recession, some things thrive. One thing that’s doing really, really well… sharing. First of call, car sharing services have had a 70 percent membership increase since the recession set in. But that’s not all. How to swap websites are popping up all over the internet with opportunities for people to share tools, books, handbags, and more. Psychologists say that when you lack financial stability, you have a greater urge for emotional stability and that means connecting with people and sharing stuff and services. I’m glad I could share that good news with you…

Speaking of the recession, everybody’s looking for ways to save money on your grocery bill. Sure you can cut coupons and stuff like that, but it’s a lot of work. Looking for some easier ways to save money? How about shop in the morning. Seems that you are actually more likely to find mark-downs on meat, produce, and bakery items earlier in the morning. Also, shop for groceries with only cash. That cuts down on impulse buys.

As man hours as it spends out on the road, this was bound to happen. The Oscar Mayer Wienermobile was trying to pull into a street from where it was parked one day in Mount Pleasant, Wisconsin when the Wiener-driver accidentally put it in reverse and backed into a house instead. Can you imagine the cop who was called to the accident? Man, I hope he had a sense of humor. “Yes, dispatch, it appears we have an accident involving a house and a giant hot dog. And the Wienermobile seems to really have gotten itself in a pickle.”

2.3 million CDs have been sold by this world in just the last three weeks. Who is it? Michael Jackson of course. Since he died, sales of his Greatest Hits CDs are soaring. Seems like nothing stirs consumer spending like a celebrity demise. In fact, Jackson has done so much for the economy since passing that in order to continue to encourage spending and stimulate the economy, President Obama will now moonwalk to the podium to deliver speeches from now on. (Wow, that’s so dumb, it’s actually almost funny…)

Secretary of State Hillary Clinton says North Korea’s missile launches are simply desperate attempts to get the world’s attention, similar to the way unruly little children behave. Interesting analogy. So Canada would be like the responsible reliable older child, and the Middle East would be the rebellious teenager who keeps wrecking the family car.

Tom Watson’s performance at the British Open, almost winning at age 59, has been inspirational to many older athletes. Unfortunately, it means that now we'll never get rid of Brett Favre.

After news broke that Paula Abdul may not be invited back to American Idol, a Keep Paula protest spread on Twitter. The Iranians protest what’s important to them, we protest what’s important to us.

07.20 Positives about the recession

Have you heard about these billboards that are popping up all over the place? They look like giant pages from a school notebook and say things like: “RECESSION 101: Interesting fact about recessions… they end.” Nobody knows who paid for them, but the company that puts them up says that the anonymous donor wanted to start sending positive messages to the public to stop focusing on the fear. Some of the other ones that he paid to put up: “Self worth is greater than net worth.” “This recession will end long before those who caused it are paroled.” “Stop obsessing about the economy. You’re scaring the children.” The signs haven’t shown up here yet, so far they are mainly on the east coast but are spreading west. Like the president of the Rhode Island Chamber of Commerce said when he was asked about the signs, “History has proven that we get ourselves into recessions and we get out of them.”

07.16.09 Thurs "Does this blog pass the Blackberry Test?"

Sorry for the lack of updates... had shoulder surgery and just getting back the ability to type....

As one of the Blackberry people, I’m not sure how I survived before now. Waiting rooms at doctor’s offices, boring meetings, TV shows that only my wife is interested in watching, all of them I can escape from by burying my nose in my Blackberry. In fact, I now how a “Blackberry test.” Something I’m at or watching has to be more interesting than my Blackberry or I question if I should be spending time watching or doing it.

Have you seen those commercials for the new Mercedes that knows if you’ve fallen asleep at the wheel and tells you to pull over for a cup of coffee? It also knows if you’ve drifted out of your lane and corrects itself for you. This is AMAZING! We are “this close” to flying cars, I can feel it. But until we get there, I want a feature that detects when I’m increasing speed or entering I-5 and will automatically turn up my radio for me in response to louder road noise. What feature would you want in your car of the future?

Have you heard about this new airline that specializes in flying you and your pet places? They don’t treat your pet like cargo, but as if they are normal passengers. Pet Airways flies between major cities and will fly your dog or cat one way for just $250. It’s a great idea of cat owners, but it’s not going to work for dog owners. Everybody knows dogs like to travel with their heads out the window…

Big news for Longview, WA. This week they should be getting garbage to process from Hawaii. I’m sure that garbage is garbage, but don’t you expect that a trash barge from Hawaii is somehow filled with just old leis and macadamia nut shells and somehow smells better than mainland garbage?

Something I’ve been ranting about for some time now has now been proven! A new study reveals that couples who lived together prior to marriage are twice as likely to divorce. The study was conducted by the Center For Advanced Study of Things Your Mother Was Right About All Along.